KatzyKins Cries

Christmas was super fun ✨️💕 We did so many things with friends and family and I think this was the best Christmas I've had since I was a kid. ...I miss my mom a lot though. I've been delving into the theory of reincarnation lately. Apparently I'm on my 5th life. Taf is on his 3rd, his sister is on her last go and so is my friend Jean. It's unclear what happens when you finish out your 11th life, I've heard a lot of people say we will ascend to Godhood. I've also heard it just makes reincarnation a choice; that I might be able to wait alongside Taf to finish out his cycles...I'm worried about who I'll be in the next go... Will I still be kind? Will I fine myself back to veganism again? I really don't want to change and revert back to a helpless, scared kid.  Sounds unpleasant, but I feel like rules might be rules and I won't get a say.  My best friend Robin (she's currently on her 6th cycle) says she believes it to be a choice.  My sister is ...

https://youtu.be/LlN8MPS7KQs I didn't think the holidays could hurt anymore than they already do but.. I've been listening to this song on loop, and it's exhausting to hear it because I'm flooded with all the vague memories my trauma tried to rob me of, all at once. I think about that isolating feeling of being single after a long relationship, or the feeling of not being able to find my mom. The feeling of waking up at 3am, to a quiet, empty apartment and overlooking the city skyline from your bed. Just...alone, reflecting.  Its the feeling of my own heart breaking on repeat... And It breaks all over again, with each passing memory.  And even though it hurts to hear, it's one of the most beautiful songs I've ever listened to. The melody is so simple but the feelings it elicits makes it so powerful... I really have grown to fetishize and romanticize my own pain, the way I can't shut this off. I love Yule; the season is so romantic and it's tied to so man...