12.27.22

Christmas was super fun ✨️💕

We did so many things with friends and family and I think this was the best Christmas I've had since I was a kid.

...I miss my mom a lot though.

I've been delving into the theory of reincarnation lately. Apparently I'm on my 5th life. Taf is on his 3rd, his sister is on her last go and so is my friend Jean.

It's unclear what happens when you finish out your 11th life, I've heard a lot of people say we will ascend to Godhood. I've also heard it just makes reincarnation a choice; that I might be able to wait alongside Taf to finish out his cycles...I'm worried about who I'll be in the next go...

Will I still be kind? Will I fine myself back to veganism again? I really don't want to change and revert back to a helpless, scared kid. 

Sounds unpleasant, but I feel like rules might be rules and I won't get a say. 

My best friend Robin (she's currently on her 6th cycle) says she believes it to be a choice. 

My sister is on her 9th...she always was more mature than me. It made sense. 

But I think more than losing myself, I don't want to part ways with everyone I've met during this life...

I won't remember any of this next time and I'm already mourning it. Will I still venerate my deities? Will they want the next "me?" Its a bit of a comfort knowing that I might still be able to do things and be conscious.

But...with a new life comes new trauma and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid of what  difficulties I'll face next time...

What if it's worse? :( I'll be starting over naive and what if my parental guidance is even worse than it was for this one?

I suppose that as interesting as it all is, I can't be worrying about it forever. 

Whatever happens; I'm going to live for all the fun we can have while we're here. I'm going to take pride in who I've been become in spite of it all. I'm going to foster something great with my fiance and my family and friends.

This life needs my attention now. Next incarnation-me will have to take on their own life. I'll see what happens when I pass.

I did a little meditative practice to help ensure we all stay together in the next life. I want to make sure that post new life-me has real friends I can count on and that I will still find Taf and his mom will still be his 💕✨️🌈 and my sister will still be my sister.

I hope I'm nicer to her in the next life. I hope we have parents who won't turn growing up into a survival game or pit us against each other. I want to be a good sibling next time... 

I hope the universe accepts requests...