KatzyKins Cries

 So forgetting that we're in a retrograde, I made a controversial post about a topic no one cares about anymore, and ~shocker~ it came back to bite me. During this retrograde, it's much more likely that I'm going to be misunderstood--by literally everyone. I suspect a LOT of people were just playing dumb and trying to shush a femme for trying to suggest their "goth god" was kind of a trash bag too--that no one was innocent, oh how dare I~ It wasn't worth the headache though, so I deleted it. Fuck 'em, I stand by my post, but idiots who choose to not listen are exhausting and I have shit to do. That garbage attention is like a beacon and before I know it, all my videos would get attacked. So I basically just wanted to stomp out the flames. Standing my ground with that shit at stake--felt irresponsible. A few people seemed to understand me though; and I'm grateful to them all <3 but the idiots are unfortunately much, much louder.  I'll post after ...

https://youtu.be/LlN8MPS7KQs I didn't think the holidays could hurt anymore than they already do but.. I've been listening to this song on loop, and it's exhausting to hear it because I'm flooded with all the vague memories my trauma tried to rob me of, all at once. I think about that isolating feeling of being single after a long relationship, or the feeling of not being able to find my mom. The feeling of waking up at 3am, to a quiet, empty apartment and overlooking the city skyline from your bed. Just...alone, reflecting.  Its the feeling of my own heart breaking on repeat... And It breaks all over again, with each passing memory.  And even though it hurts to hear, it's one of the most beautiful songs I've ever listened to. The melody is so simple but the feelings it elicits makes it so powerful... I really have grown to fetishize and romanticize my own pain, the way I can't shut this off. I love Yule; the season is so romantic and it's tied to so man...

       You know it's fine. I'm just 3 months late to the new year. nbd.        So tonight, Taf got super shitfaced after a *very* small amount of vodka, he even threw up a bit D;  ick, I got a doc's appointment tomorrow, but I thought of something that needed to be complained about~ I'm hopefully going to get some real answers tomorrow--and solutions with it x3x; wish my ass luck ffff  Doc says I might have high testosterone which would make SO much sense D; She wanted me to get my blood work done before I saw her again--which I did o3o hopefully it comes back proving her right because I literally can't explain half the shit happening to me.  Now for the thing I wanna bitch about it--bitches in their mid to late 20s who still think this shit is competition. Bitch, leave me alone >:C I do not want your bottom-of-the-barrel ass man, and I *hate* feeling like I'm being sold on the idea of friendship when I'm *actually* purchasing a ...

     Trying to be a bit more consistent with these posts; but I'll probably fall off them again soon.  I just have a lot to bitch about I guess.      Family is always kind of exhausting to think about it--mostly my step dad. And the shock of how he is to everyone who didn't grow up with him and his shit.  Like, "Yeah I know. He sucks and he always has."  I don't know what to tell you. But my "childhood" (if you wanna call it one lol) stories should've been prep.  On facebook, my feeds are flooded by this artist who apparently can't or just doesn't get a therapist--it's draining as fuck, and on top of the fact that they complain about shit that makes *no* sense to anyone on the outside, (like being unhappy with their art which is the sole reason I keep 'em on my friends list to begin with because their mental health shit is dISMAL and it's bringing me down, but if I unfollow I'll miss their art posts.)  On top of being just *mi...