KatzyKins Cries

So today I found out I have atypical autism. So uh....that sucks even tho I'm not supposed to say that. I just kind of hate that I was right when I noticed everyone treating me like a burden my whole life was because somethings been "wrong" with me...kinda hurts. It isn't "supposed" to but a diagnosis can be anything I feel. It can be good, bad or neutral, but my reaction isn't wrong. And I shouldn't think that *I'm* wrong either...but I do.  Feels like the mistreatment was "justified" because I have, in fact, been fucking weird this whole time--even tho I'd never justify mistreating anyone because they're "weird" That isn't a cause for harm. But I never treat myself as kindly as I treat others, because no one else ever has. But I really, REALLY need to stop. Because if no one else deserves this then why do I? Why am I special in a bad way? Because I've always been, I guess...

So today I learned that I'm being hate followed by one of my bf's ex doink-buddies. I only discovered this because she got the idea we were married from--what I'm assuming--were some pics on insta, even tho our hashtags said it *wasn't* our wedding. Girl, you're gonna be fine. You've been fine for the last 3 years. I honestly barely thought of you after year 1. The only person you hurt was Taf. Having a stranger base their opinion of me, on a description from a man who was extremely fragile and prone to hyperbole--it doesn't hurt lol. I def didn't think very positively of you either when I heard you were talking shit and didn't even know me. I still don't, if I'm honest. And now? I pity you, it's been years. You couldn't give him any of what he wanted, and at your core, you were just hoping you could manipulate him into wanting whatever you were comfortable enough to give him. It wasn't going to be enough. You couldn't make yo...

Honestly I never write when things are going well. Updating a blog--I used to have so much to say, but it's been incredibly difficult for me to give a voice to those feelings. But last weekend, someone did something shitty, and when I told them it was shitty, they canceled on something that isn't happening for another 2 months. I know logically, it's normal to want to avoid someone who's upset with you, but....it just reads like "you held me accountable and now it's awkward so I'm gonna choose myself over trying to make this up to anyone I've hurt." I always feel like an afterthought, but maybe I just don't need anymore friends. I won't be inviting this person to much else for a long time. If we stop talking entirely, then whoops.  Ball is in their court. I keep reaching out only to have them cancel last minute if at all. It's ridiculous that because I'm not kissing your boo boos with "oh it's okay" after receiving a s...