6.8.22

Honestly I never write when things are going well. Updating a blog--I used to have so much to say, but it's been incredibly difficult for me to give a voice to those feelings.

But last weekend, someone did something shitty, and when I told them it was shitty, they canceled on something that isn't happening for another 2 months.

I know logically, it's normal to want to avoid someone who's upset with you, but....it just reads like "you held me accountable and now it's awkward so I'm gonna choose myself over trying to make this up to anyone I've hurt."

I always feel like an afterthought, but maybe I just don't need anymore friends. I won't be inviting this person to much else for a long time. If we stop talking entirely, then whoops. 

Ball is in their court. I keep reaching out only to have them cancel last minute if at all.

It's ridiculous that because I'm not kissing your boo boos with "oh it's okay" after receiving a sub-par apology I've heard MULTIPLE times, that you're bailing on this without even trying. I'M the one who was wronged, not you. So why are YOU acting like the wounded party here? Aggravating.

So I get it. You never really liked me much but you made it sound like you really did for a while. I'm ready to click unfriend at this point because I know you'll never have the balls to own up and try to make amends, it always falls on me and it will continue to unless I cut you off now. You can't hurt me if we aren't even friends in name only.

They're selfish and they continue to be selfish. They never come out unless I guilt them and that isn't friendship. Whatever this is, I don't think I want it anymore. Inviting me to YOUR plans doesn't make any of this better, you bail *constantly* on shit I've planned; the way to fix that would be to consistently show up to things I arranged without a weak excuse. 

I'm def only inviting 3 people from that group to the wedding. Everyone else wants to bail for some slap ass reasons, so you can miss this too.