5.14.21

So--first blog entry, and it's going to be a doozy...

    I've come to the conclusion that all my current happiness is because of my partner. 
If he hadn't shown up when he did, I'd be living in Eerie 4 hours away from anyone I care about, and rotting in yet another crackden shitshow my mother deigns to live in with her shithead bf. 

    You want "terabytes of data'sworth" of me talking shit, cretin? Here you fucking go. 
If your shitbag narc of a daughter wants, I'll fucking email her the link myself. Idgaf anymore. 

   So when I look back on all the shitty ex friends I've had who stopped being my friends because I was with a mouthy vegan guy, 

    Fuck ALL of you. You did not give a shit about me if you wanted me to leave him. You knew nothing of my financial and health issues, no matter HOW often I talked about them and if you had, and STILL wanted me to just go and live in a fucking crackden and had no interest in helping me in any other way besides some stupid-ass peptalks that would stop feeling like anything the SECOND I realized "I'm losing my apartment and I have to go live with my toxic-ass family." 

Then fuck you. Seriously. Fuck every shred of happiness you ever have, because you have NO idea how NOT listening to your dumb, petty, bitch asses has turned EVERYTHING around. 

    I'd rather be happy than have *any* of you flakey hos in my life. You can't protect your own happiness, let alone make decisions for someone ELSE'S. And it fucking shows. I'd be literally nothing if I listened to you people. 

And you could argue "Oh but you still chose to go with him." 
Bitch, my ass was insane, and on SEVERAL drugs, he was the only thing that made me happy without being fucked up on something. I was desperate and crazy, but I wasn't stupid. Changing was scary and it sucked unlearning everything *again,* but if it meant not being abandoned by ANOTHER person I cared about, then I was gonna fucking DO IT. 

That's just being smart. That's just the result of a lifetime of watching shit go wrong and people leaving. I didn't know offhand just how positively he'd affect my life. That was LUCK. 

I don't know I just noticed this, and I'm pissed about it >m> 

This of course is not directed at anyone who has since changed their minds and supported the hell out of us being together o3o not everyone can get it right the first time; we sure as hell didn't.