7.19.21

 Disowned my mom last week. 
She'd been feeding me really weak excuses regarding a cat I'd raised from 5 weeks old to about 2-3 years old. 

She claimed she gave him to a neighbor, but she refused to ask this neighbor for a pic of him because they would "think I wanted him back." 

And it's INCREDIBLY easy to just be honest and say "My kid doesn't believe that he was adopted and is safe, can you please send me a picture of you or one of your kids holding him or petting him so I can prove to them that he's okay?" 

But she put up an EXCRUTIATING fight over it. 
Then I asked for a name, she couldn't even keep the story of where they moved straight. She told me they moved to Tennessee but now it's new hope? Then she had to backpeddal and claimed that this "neighbor" had moved to New Hope first and THEN Tennessee. And she could only give me a first name, but not a last one??? And her boyfriend didn't "remember" either? It's fucking bullshit. ONE of them would remember this lady's name if they *supposedly* trusted her enough to give her a cat. 

I swear she put him down and just refuses to admit it. I would think so, if it weren't for her shitty gabapentin-addict's ACTUALLY super nice and well-adjusted brother, who backed their half-bake ass story up. He had bonded with Gizzy and said he was a "chill dude." 

Apparently they haven't talked to this brother in 2 years. I don't know what happened and I don't care. I'm sure it was her bf's fault. He's insufferable. And all he does is paint his brother to be this unstable guy. 

But I think there's a plot twist; the brother is actually the sane one and the LUNATIC has been mom's bf this whole time. 

My sister and I both think our mom got with the wrong brother. 
At every turn they've screwed this poor dude over. He even let them rent his farm house from him and they STILL fucked him over. At every turn they seem to sabotage whatever blessing they get. 

I'm not sure if the brother would back up a lie--maybe I just want to desperately hope that Gizmo is okay and my mom's just being fucking stupid for no reason, but I have no idea. 

But I cannot handle being lied to about simple shit anymore. 
All I asked for was a name so I could look up their FB and see if they still have him or not. 
Or message them and find out if their story is true or not. She couldn't give me that. 

She couldn't give me any proof that she had a real pod full of our photos and pictures. 
And when she dies, her bf isn't going to give me any of those photos back, I fucking know it. 

She's never going to access the pod again--and I never even got confirmation that it exists because the pod company name she gave me said I needed a code to get any info on it--even just knowing that it's there. 

So what the fuck will I do when she dies and I still can't get my photos back? If I show a death cert will they let me have that info? I emailed the pod place again, just to see the policy, but do I even get a copy of the certificate if her bf just takes everything after? 

I'm worried I won't have access to things that are actually mine after x3x; I'm already going to be dealing with a ton of weird ass feelings when it happens, but there's going to be a custody battle of sorts too all because she can't pick a fucking decent man? Or just stay single and get a fucking nurse? 

Nah, pillpopper who steals her meds? Sounds like a gREAT DUDE :) 

Fuck. 

-She's refused to get a pic to prove to me he was safe (I think she gave me an old pic of him in her house) 
-She refused to give me a name for the family who she claimed took him--citing not speaking to her -brother in law as the reason--which makes me think it was his connection and that's why they don't know anything. But still, you break that fucking feud to get that info for me if you know I'm suffering over it. But she's mother of the fucking year, so she just yelled back at me and tried to blame it on me.  

Yes I was super harsh, but I literally think she killed my cat and she still won't give me any proof to the contrary, so...like, when can I count on my own MOTHER to be the bigger person for me? Just once? Never happened, even when I was a goddamn kid, she was always childish towards me when I'd have a VERY normal kid outburst. I was also probably having meltdowns due to PTSD and all the shit her FIRST crappy husband pushed on me :) but okay. Yeah, blame the fucking toddler. Cool. Makes sense. 

-And she refused to show me a fucking receipt for the pod she supposedly has full of our stuff. 
So....I'm inclined to believe they haven't been paying for it and our stuff was thrown out and pawned. 


I felt shitty about this because she's sick and she has nothing left at this point, but she straight up treats people like horseshit and expects us to all be there after? And I tried for SO long. 
I've been calling 911 since I was 3, I was the caretaker long before his druggy bitchass showed up, 

And this is how I get treated? 
Gave up my whole childhood for her, couldn't go out or host sleepovers because she couldn't handle the noise and the kids, couldn't take me places most of the time--it wasn't her fault, and of course I don't blame her for being sick, I was just happy she was still here...It just sucks that she's gonna treat me so expendably now. 

If you aren't going to raise and treat your kids right, then don't. Fucking. Have. Them. 

She should've gotten an abortion. We didn't "have enough fun" to justify all the bullshit lying she'd put me through later. A baby isn't a fucking toy. It's a living breathing creature you need to be INVESTED in. And she only cared about me on HER time, like all the shitbag men she exposed me to. 

She'll never have anything but trash for as long as she keeps it so close to her.
I didn't want this broken ass family. But I have it now. 

Fractured, and shitty. Just angry fucking people being angry at each other. And it'll always have me feeling fucking robbed. 

All because I had no choice but to trust her, no matter how many times she let my ass sink...