8.9.21

 Years ago when I was like 24 or 25, I was in a position with dubious consent--
I hadn't noticed how drunk the other person was, she was carrying it VERY well--

buuuut then she threw up xD 
and I was like "Oh fuck," after puking all over my bed, my *also* buzzed ass was like "oh shit, she's gonna be hurting tomorrow.) 

So I don't know if this follow up was wrong? I feel super dumb for not noticing she was drunk--but up until the puke point, she  exhibited NO signs that she was too drunk to consent. She wasn't falling asleep or swinging around weird, or going limp. 

I think what happened is (we'd been flirting the whole night) I think she drank faster to work up the nerve to talk to me and make that move on me. So it hit her all at once. :( Unfortunate, xD she's cute, she didn't have to be too smooth lol. I was very close to virginal in those days lol especially with women. 

She had said she was interested in me WHILE sober and she didn't express any negative feelings after--other than INTENSE shame for getting sick--which is not her fault, we've all been there. I said it then, and even after everything that's happened since, I stand by it. 

o3o After throwing up, I helped her get to the bathroom; because showers were always a comfort for me especially when I was drunk-sick. 

I had noticed she'd been in there for a good chunk of time, so I go back in and she's still sitting on the toilet with her face in her shirt--probably feeling like hell. 

So I needed to help her get IN to the shower. o3o which is all good in the hood, I just wanted to make sure she was more comfy D; bc again; I'd been in that position a LOT in my time and it SUCKED. 

o3o eventually she comes out in the jammies I gave her, and my housemates at the time had helped clean up my bed (one of the housemates was/is her bestie) and helped me set up their guest room o3o I had put water and some tylenol on the end table and she stayed over. I created some distance, gave her a place to sweat the alcohol out. 

So that's the time where I had some weird consent thing--and I still think about it D; because I'm not sure if I did ok? 

My friends tell me I did right, but ughhhh I guess if I'm agonizing this hard on something that happened like--7ish years ago, I'm not some greasy abuser? 

But like, girl if you see this; I hope I didn't hurt you or make you feel yucky. D; 

o3o I don't have a happy history with my housemates anymore, and I understand why we couldn't be friends or talk anymore, but I hope she doesn't harbor any ill-will. 

I def don't o3o and I hope you haven't had any hangovers like that since. <3 I hope you're hydrated and doing well. 💕