11.20.21

Had another bizarre ass nightmare last night...

I don't know what it means, but basically I dreamt that Taf and I were in separate air crafts. I was in a helicopter and he was in a plane. Alongside separated groups of my coworkers for some reason? I think we were doing something in prepping for our wedding...

They both crashed. I made it out, the helicopter was closer to the ground and smaller when it exploded??? so we made it...

I looked up wondering if Taf was okay--didn't even think of the coworkers he was with but that's when his plane exploded and I saw the words "no survivors"

I threw myself on the floor and screamed, and all I could think is "what am I going to do without him?" 

"He is everything. He was the only plan I had." "This was supposed to be endgame."

Shit like that, didn't care that my coworkers were still around me. Just screaming...

 So, later, in my grief I BEGGED his best friend to try something for me--and this is where it gets weird--i made him do some kind of cheat from life is strange (which doesn't actually exist IRL) to bring him back.

I didn't give a fuck what that shit would break. The whole world could fall apart--it already was. Especially mine.

Reluctantly, his super religious friend agreed to try his hand at necromancy. I must've looked pitiful...or maybe he just missed him too.

It worked. We went back to two days before the accident and Taf was alive but for a second his eye was warped, like a bend in space. But I didn't care. He was here. He could look however and I was just happy he was here. I hugged him as tight as I could, cried and thanked every single God that it worked.

His eye returned to normal, then my eye started warping.

I begged him to not get on the plane, told him we had to cancel. And filled him in on all his friend and I had to do to travel back two days ago. He seemed...aloof to it?

I don't know what this means other than I cannot be trusted to make choices after experiencing great loss

And that I really love my fiance...