KatzyKins Cries

So on top of mom dying, I'm losing my house. Not to foreclosure or anything nefarious, but we were forced to sell it because we want our lives to go in a different direction. Smaller house one day, 6 cats, making money from our rental properties while we coast affordably.  So for now we have to live with his mom in her two bedroom apartment. We somehow got all our furniture to fit. But some stuff will be stored at his aunts place. There's some feelings of failure associated with this move...even though I know it'll pay off in the end, I'm still afraid that we're gonna end up stuck there. I feel bad I couldn't keep the dream going in a house I was obsessed with.  It was too expensive. We wanted to retire one day. Hekate assures me this isn't meant to be a punishment, but it feels like one. Signs all pointed that we belonged in that house but we didn't consider how expensive upkeep would be. And we are having a bitch of a time selling it. I'm trapped i...

 So, I really don't have time to grieve.  But I can't stop doing it.  We're trying to sell our house, so Taf hurried and we moved our cats to the temporary spot where we plan to move after.  ...Taf's aunt tried to protect me from it...She said to leave me out of it all. But Taf asked for help getting the cats over. Which I did and I wasn't myself the whole time.      And I think I'll have to be someone else for a while. I don't know if I'll ever really heal from any of this. This is probably the second most devastating loss.  Gods I hope I die before Taf...I won't be able to survive without him.  And I'm sorry, I know it's selfish, but I really am nothing without that man.  And I think most men are fundamentally useless, so that's saying something.  I just want to sit in a bed and rot until I feel semi-human again.  And the world won't fucking stop. Not for my mom and sure as hell not for me.  The world was never patient w...

So the new house isn't working out. It's old and drafty, and we're gonna actually try to sell it.  Taf said he has a plan to pay off our house and then we can work on getting a home that's just ours. He says the plan should take 5 years from when we move in if he did the math right.  I trust him. I'm sad but I trust him. And I'm gonna be alive for at least another 2 decades so I should work towards something that's sustainable so I'm not working in my 60s. My deities confirm this is the correct path, so I have to. I can't lament over things that no longer serve me. This house is stressing me out anyway. And none of the family wants to live together anyway.  I should just let it go. This had to happen because it showed us what we need in a home. A small backyard (we hate mowing), spacious interior, 4 bedrooms, at least 2.5 bathrooms, no fucking leaks, small driveway, (I hate shoveling) and a Florida room for the cats to play in.  Once we get a new hou...