KatzyKins Cries

 So I left this comment on an influencer's page on IG, and they legit felt the need to tell me they have a boyfriend O_o  ...Like, girl. No.  I don't flirt with influencers and content creators as a general rule, xD that's dumb.  I think if you're going to go and make a career out of being attractive online and doing makeup looks and modelling, you gotta learn not to assume everyone's legit flirting with you, or learn to not worry if they do/are.  Because you're job is to draw in a follower base with your looks O_o so why bug about it? I'm sorry that she felt the need to get so defensive, but when *that* was the only comment she responded to, it made me feel like I already made a garbage impression,  So I delete the other comments, unliked everything and unfollowed--thinking that if I stayed, I'd just continue to make her feel uncomfortable.  And that makes *me* uncomfortable, so I would always have something of a bad taste in my mouth from that intera...

      I can't even say "I love being right" because it's not like I'm ever gonna get the kudos or apology I deserve. Because everyone is too salty and self-absorbed to try and understand my reasons for not having kids while being critical of the people around us who want them and can't even get their own shit together.      Some background, my mother in law told me to keep my mouth shut about kids since I'm not having them--Which is fucked up to say and I was extremely hurt by it--but she's got the right to be angry. She's never going to get the grandkids she wants--from Taf and I anyway. For the foreseeable future, Taf and I do not have the time, money, or energy that our kids would deserve. I don't want to push an entire kid out to give them less than my best.      The whole issue was brought on when we'd voiced some concerns about Taf's sister and husband having their own--they've both proven to be pretty lax on some important th...

 So forgetting that we're in a retrograde, I made a controversial post about a topic no one cares about anymore, and ~shocker~ it came back to bite me. During this retrograde, it's much more likely that I'm going to be misunderstood--by literally everyone. I suspect a LOT of people were just playing dumb and trying to shush a femme for trying to suggest their "goth god" was kind of a trash bag too--that no one was innocent, oh how dare I~ It wasn't worth the headache though, so I deleted it. Fuck 'em, I stand by my post, but idiots who choose to not listen are exhausting and I have shit to do. That garbage attention is like a beacon and before I know it, all my videos would get attacked. So I basically just wanted to stomp out the flames. Standing my ground with that shit at stake--felt irresponsible. A few people seemed to understand me though; and I'm grateful to them all <3 but the idiots are unfortunately much, much louder.  I'll post after ...

Christmas was super fun ✨️💕 We did so many things with friends and family and I think this was the best Christmas I've had since I was a kid. ...I miss my mom a lot though. I've been delving into the theory of reincarnation lately. Apparently I'm on my 5th life. Taf is on his 3rd, his sister is on her last go and so is my friend Jean. It's unclear what happens when you finish out your 11th life, I've heard a lot of people say we will ascend to Godhood. I've also heard it just makes reincarnation a choice; that I might be able to wait alongside Taf to finish out his cycles...I'm worried about who I'll be in the next go... Will I still be kind? Will I fine myself back to veganism again? I really don't want to change and revert back to a helpless, scared kid.  Sounds unpleasant, but I feel like rules might be rules and I won't get a say.  My best friend Robin (she's currently on her 6th cycle) says she believes it to be a choice.  My sister is ...

https://youtu.be/LlN8MPS7KQs I didn't think the holidays could hurt anymore than they already do but.. I've been listening to this song on loop, and it's exhausting to hear it because I'm flooded with all the vague memories my trauma tried to rob me of, all at once. I think about that isolating feeling of being single after a long relationship, or the feeling of not being able to find my mom. The feeling of waking up at 3am, to a quiet, empty apartment and overlooking the city skyline from your bed. Just...alone, reflecting.  Its the feeling of my own heart breaking on repeat... And It breaks all over again, with each passing memory.  And even though it hurts to hear, it's one of the most beautiful songs I've ever listened to. The melody is so simple but the feelings it elicits makes it so powerful... I really have grown to fetishize and romanticize my own pain, the way I can't shut this off. I love Yule; the season is so romantic and it's tied to so man...

I think I just haven't been tested like that in a minute. There could be a million factors to why that interaction felt so weird. But at the end of the day; I was hurt because this persona I've created wasn't strong enough to protect me. I need to be more poised--controlled and most importantly, I need to believe in my own "bullshit." I am not pretending to be a bad bitch that has it all; I AM a bad bitch that has it all. And I should know better than to let anyone with a life I do not envy and opinions I think are brain dead, stupid and flawed to make me feel less than myself. Not everything felt needs to be said and I really need to remember that. A bad bitch doesn't need to advertise, but I watched myself in real time explaining who I am--that cannot happen; we needn't explain. We don't need to explain our changes or our existence. We are allowed to simply "be." Hopefully keeping wings up will be easier without the progesterone and the bac...

So I didn't blog on my bday; I'm 32 now as of September 4th 2022.  I only ever blog when things aren't super swell or I came to some sHOCKING REVELATION~!!! Well last night my ipod wiped itself CLEAN. and the system forced me to do a factory reset on it. So I lost everything. I'm on my 3rd program now trying to recover the lost MP3s. And of course, my first thought is "oh no did I get hexed again?"  O3o but I'm getting the feeling my deities are just sick of the lamenting I've been doing--for legit no reason. I've been on progesterone for a minute and gooooood I hate it. Shit makes me sleepy and anxious. And I've been in a negative headspace for it. I think they're method was "we can give you something to cry about." Not to be mean; but to remind me that things aren't terrible o3o which is fair I think. I said I'd try to remain positive assuming I'm able to get my music back. Even though the drugs are making me feel ic...