KatzyKins Cries

       You know it's fine. I'm just 3 months late to the new year. nbd.        So tonight, Taf got super shitfaced after a *very* small amount of vodka, he even threw up a bit D;  ick, I got a doc's appointment tomorrow, but I thought of something that needed to be complained about~ I'm hopefully going to get some real answers tomorrow--and solutions with it x3x; wish my ass luck ffff  Doc says I might have high testosterone which would make SO much sense D; She wanted me to get my blood work done before I saw her again--which I did o3o hopefully it comes back proving her right because I literally can't explain half the shit happening to me.  Now for the thing I wanna bitch about it--bitches in their mid to late 20s who still think this shit is competition. Bitch, leave me alone >:C I do not want your bottom-of-the-barrel ass man, and I *hate* feeling like I'm being sold on the idea of friendship when I'm *actually* purchasing a ...

 My friend's bf hit her.  And she's still. fucking. with. him.  I'm so heated about it, and I don't even wanna talk about him until he's been put in the trash where he belongs. She brought up their intimacy and I'm just like "why are we fucking talk about him, he's fucking dead to me."  I know I'm not going to be a fan favorite for pointing that shit out, but I'm not here to tell my friends what they WANT to hear. I'm here to speak the truth and push my friends towards decisions that are GOOD for them.  Being with this shitcunt is NOT good for my friend. I'm so glad I spent close to a year alone after my break up with nick,  It gave me time to get comfortable with myself, and re-develop my confidence, which was practically null by this point. Everything else about my life at that point was a mess, but I at least had that and what I was feeling went directly into my art.  My other friend who knows isn't speaking up, because she t...

I was thinking on some things and I realized the one-life-ruining thing that COULD have been an issue and SHOULD have been an issue--never happened to me. I cant honestly say I've ever had a good relationship with food.  But for some reason I'm not a Binger and and I've only had a LEGIT eating disorder for like...6 months at 17. It never spiraled or got crazy. But if I think of it in terms of addiction; it starts to make sense. The only thing I can say for myself is that I don't have an addictive genetic makeup. I've fucked with a few substances but I never craved them mentally or physically. The only other time I ever fell off with food was accidental. I hadn't eaten right and got thinner and thinner and it was all because I wanted to sleep until I died.  I was too weak to do anything let alone cook.  But it wasn't a fear of being fat. And the closest thing to a binge for me was going a full day without any food, and then eating a pretty big fast-food meal....

     Trying to be a bit more consistent with these posts; but I'll probably fall off them again soon.  I just have a lot to bitch about I guess.      Family is always kind of exhausting to think about it--mostly my step dad. And the shock of how he is to everyone who didn't grow up with him and his shit.  Like, "Yeah I know. He sucks and he always has."  I don't know what to tell you. But my "childhood" (if you wanna call it one lol) stories should've been prep.  On facebook, my feeds are flooded by this artist who apparently can't or just doesn't get a therapist--it's draining as fuck, and on top of the fact that they complain about shit that makes *no* sense to anyone on the outside, (like being unhappy with their art which is the sole reason I keep 'em on my friends list to begin with because their mental health shit is dISMAL and it's bringing me down, but if I unfollow I'll miss their art posts.)  On top of being just *mi...

Had another bizarre ass nightmare last night... I don't know what it means, but basically I dreamt that Taf and I were in separate air crafts. I was in a helicopter and he was in a plane. Alongside separated groups of my coworkers for some reason? I think we were doing something in prepping for our wedding... They both crashed. I made it out, the helicopter was closer to the ground and smaller when it exploded??? so we made it... I looked up wondering if Taf was okay--didn't even think of the coworkers he was with but that's when his plane exploded and I saw the words "no survivors" I threw myself on the floor and screamed, and all I could think is "what am I going to do without him?"  "He is everything. He was the only plan I had." "This was supposed to be endgame." Shit like that, didn't care that my coworkers were still around me. Just screaming...  So, later, in my grief I BEGGED his best friend to try something for me--and th...

So my coworker has a crush on me. Hes married and he knows I'm engaged x3x  But it's becoming obvious he thinks he can take this somewhere but he can't. See, when I say I don't want kids, my fiance says "neither do I." But my coworker said that "maybe something will change my mind." Dudes who respect consent are top tier 😤  And I didn't get engaged to by being a flakey bitch. I def don't mind friendship, but I hope he doesn't mind it either >n> bc I don't do my partners like that.  I've been fiercely faithful since I was a kid o3o I remember being told by a serial cheater that loyalty was different from fidelity and I was like "oh no it is not." You can't be loyal to someone while you betray them. That isn't loyalty. Today I got into an accident. A minor fender bender. And I hit my head and my knee. I was shaking and forgot what my ins provider was. Eventually I figured it out and the guy called his ins co...

 Years ago when I was like 24 or 25, I was in a position with dubious consent-- I hadn't noticed how drunk the other person was, she was carrying it VERY well-- buuuut then she threw up xD  and I was like "Oh fuck," after puking all over my bed, my *also* buzzed ass was like "oh shit, she's gonna be hurting tomorrow.)  So I don't know if this follow up was wrong? I feel super dumb for not noticing she was drunk--but up until the puke point, she  exhibited NO signs that she was too drunk to consent. She wasn't falling asleep or swinging around weird, or going limp.  I think what happened is (we'd been flirting the whole night) I think she drank faster to work up the nerve to talk to me and make that move on me. So it hit her all at once. :( Unfortunate, xD she's cute, she didn't have to be too smooth lol. I was very close to virginal in those days lol especially with women.  She had said she was interested in me WHILE sober and she didn't e...